Welcome to finding help, hope and healing in these pages as I share my experiences of life after the tragic loss of both my children.
If you have come here whilst you are still lost and alone in the fog of grief from a recent bereavement, I offer my sincere sympathy. I want you to be able to feel a glimmer of hope from reading my words. I’d like to reach out and give you a virtual hug in support because I too know how deep and raw is the pain of loss.
This is not a traditional website on dealing with loss and overcoming grief. There are many places where you can read about such things as grieving and the grief stages, the symptoms of grief, the common myths around grief, how to cope with grief, the different types of loss … elsewhere in this website I give you recommended links to this kind of information.
Walk a little way in my footsteps to find a new path forward in your life…
Life as you knew it when your loved one was alive will never be the same again. With time and understanding, it is possible to build a new life. A meaningful life. A life in which you can feel fulfilled. A life where you know that your loved one is content, understanding that you have grown from your experience of loss.”
Each one of us grieves differently. Our experience of loss is personal and individual and depends on so many different factors. Bereavement is not the only source of grief for a loss – I have personal experience of divorce and job loss in addition to losing my children. There are other forms of loss, such as losing your home through fire, flood or storm. Some people lose the life that they knew with a loved one due to an illness like Alzheimers disease or a traumatic event causing paraplegia or worse. All these events may bring grief and the need for a radical readjustment in your life.
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Our diversity of background and experiences means that no two people may react in the same way. It does not mean that your grief is any less real because you do not show your emotion.
Learn how to help others in grief from the lessons of my life…
People around us may be uncomfortable, ill at ease, and unable to discuss the death naturally. In their discomfort, they may unwittingly cause us, the bereaved person more pain by their ignorance.”
It is amazing how painful some well-meant encouragement can be to a grieving person. Often other people can make statements that perhaps make them feel better because they have nothing else to offer, such as suggesting that “at least you still have your grandchild”. Or an exhortation that it is time to move on and get over your loss.
The reality is that every loss is individual and unique, it is a reflection of a deep bond or connection that is permanently broken. It can never be mended. The loss remains with us for a lifetime. There is no closure that our modern society expects. Grieving is a way of adapting to living with the loss. Hope comes from the ability to transform our lives in a meaningful way in which we can remember that which is lost without the associated pain.
Understand that your employee is undergoing a period of intense personal readjustment which may last for a prolonged period…
I thought that I could cope. I really believed that I had to, that I had no option. My overdeveloped sense of responsibility drove me back to work. … I struggled to be my normal, competent self without realising that I was not.”
In our modern world, the majority of us work for an employer whose primary focus is on profit. In order to achieve that profit, our employer needs productive employees. Large corporations generally allow a few days for a close personal bereavement. Most employers expect that once the funeral is over the employee is back to work. For those who simply cannot cope and do not return for weeks or even months there may be unpleasant repercussions and threats of dismissal.
But what of the employee, who reluctantly drags their physical body back to the workplace whilst their mind is still scattered all over the place, stumbling around in a fog of grief.Sometimes the impact of grief may be akin to depression or prolonged grief may actually lead to clinical depression. This depressive effect is a way of getting us to slow down and find time to heal. Often that physical body may get sick forcing the individual to slow down and heal. The symptoms of this state of mind are counter-productive in the workplace. An inability to concentrate, a feeling of not caring about anything, unusual irritability and tenseness hardly create a productive employee. Not surprisingly the standard of the employee’s work may drop for a while and this needs to be carefully handled by the employer. Systems can be put in place to help an employee in this situation.
Dealing with loss and overcoming grief is possible. I hope you get in touch.